that's the way it goes, it'll all work out

on the first cold morning of the year, my heart beats faster than it has in a long time. Fall makes me feel like I have really important things to do. Makes me look like I’m in a hurry. Maybe that’s because when you put a jacket on, you look like you’re going somewhere or something.

sometimes when I listen to a sad song, the only thing I can do is to listen to it again and again until it isn’t sad anymore
kind of like saying a word over and over until it doesn’t make sense anymore.
love, love, love, love, love

noticing that tom petty capitalizes on writing about being a jerk a lot of times (which of course, doesn’t make me love him any less) I guess it’s really not about being good ,it’s more like being good at capitalizing at what you can do. Spose if being good was all that mattered, I’d be in a bit of trouble. Which do you think matters more, being good or being nice? I know they overlap, but I feel it’s easier to decide you are going to be a nice person than to decide you are going to be a good person. I guess I think of nice as something you show people. And being good is something you show yourself? Maybe I’ll start with nice, and if that works out, next I’ll try being good.

scrubs

no, not the deliciously witty half hour television broadcast starring the lovable zach braff, whose imagination and big schnozz are delightful in a marry-me kind of way, but the actual medical "uniform." wait, excuse me, the "every-man" uniform. teachers wear them. waitresses wear them. uh. daycare...workers.. wear them (or, actually, somebody fill me in, is this just a south GA phenomenon where all these different people are wearing them?) and soon, as a nurse, i'll have to start wearing them too. but why? "OOHH because they're SO comfortable!!" you say. but no, you're wrong. they're not actually that comfortable, and the material they're made of is cheap and itchy. so they look and feel horrible. and apparently they only come in "scooby-doo." and what's so great about him, anyway.

it's not a fish that you can catch

more things i have learned february edition

Sometimes people are just happier being sad
Don't ever wait to call or write someone.
I believe in spirits.
I will never understand money.
I am so much more like my mom than I ever thought possible.
I should take better care of my teeth.
I am almost always more interested in strangers than they are in me (I also remember EVERYONE I meet, but rarely does someone who met me once remember me.)

sicky mcSnotnose

today woke up as sick as ever. i have been sick for approximately three weeks now. i feel like someone has jammed sharp sticks in my ears, nose, and throat. my dad gave me some pretty sweet late christmas presents (CDs), so i decided i'd take my cd player outside to lay in the sun and check them out, hoping maybe the sunshine might suck some of the sick juice out of my head.
well nuts to you, out of doors, because you sent a friggen bee to sting me while i was innocently dozing off in my chaise lounge. i couldn't believe that nature would be so spiteful. so i came back inside where it's safe.

see, this is the kind of thing i want to see when i go outside.

If I could find my way back home, where would I go?

i enjoy a challenge. usually, my best moments are achieved under pressure. so that is why i decided to try, even though there was only a week left to participate, after my sister called to encourage me to send in a 3minute tape to the food network for their contest to have six episodes of your very own cooking show. i had a great concept, but i just couldn't seem to get it all out on tape. my dessert (southern comfort poundcake, my own recipe) turned out great, one of the best i've ever made. i don't get that nervous. i run my mouth in class. i'm really hilarious at times. i can give speeches (since i've been in college). but why oh why, doesn't any of that translate onto camera? i love cooking shows, i watch them all the time. i even used to pretend to have one when i was a little kid. i'm not sure which was harder--putting the effort in, or believing that it was worth it to put the effort in (was it really possible to get any type of return?)agh. watching myself on that tape was painful. i was someone i would never want to watch. i'm just not sure i could ever be any different. i hated to give up, but there must be a better use for my talents somewhere. i guess i'm just better behind the scenes.

all fun and games til someone gets hurt

"Mine Kills Brunswick Marine in Iraq" said the newspaper.
yeah, a friend called and told me earlier that morning.
http://www.newsobserver.com/nation_world/iraq/story/2810035p-9254531c.html
he graduated from my highschool. his little sister was in my class.
i remember when he came and spoke about his experience in the marines in one of our friday morning chapels.
he just graduated from sniper school, my friends attented his "congratulations" dinner just a few months ago.
he was driving a humvee on a combat mission and ran over a landmine. he had a girlfriend in north carolina who was waiting for him to come home. i can't imagine how she feels right now. my thoughts and prayers are with her.
how many more of these stories do i have to hear, how many more american families will lose a father or son? I thought we lost enough on 9/11.

Well it wasn't me says the boy with the gun
sure i pulled the trigger but it needed to be done
because life's been killin' me ever since it begun
you cant blame me cause i'm too young

You cant blame me, sure the killer was my son
but I didn't teach him to pull the trigger of the gun
It's the killing on his TV screen
You can't blame me, it's those images he sees

Well, You can't blame me says the media man
Well I wasn't the one that came up with the plan
and I just point my camera what the people wanna see
man it's a two way mirror and you can't blame me

You can't blame me says the singer of the song
or the maker of the movie which he based his life on
It's only entertainment and as anyone can see
it's smoke machines and make-up, man, you can't fool me

It was you
it was me
it was every man
We all got the blood on our hands
we only receive what we demand
And if we want hell then hell is what well have

And I would turn on the TV
but it's so embarrassing
to see all the other people
don't even know what they mean
and it was magic at first
but let every one down
Now this world is gonna hurt
You better turn it around
turn it around

meanwhile, back at the ranch

nino ciccone owns a ranch. he's italian born, probably catholic, and loves cows, horses, and most of all, bullriding.
"mtv was coming" he said.
i worked with nino's wife a few times at the long co. elementary school. the editor at the coastal courier called my mom and told her to go over there and do a story. i skipped class, later wrestling over whether it was really worth it, to go along and take pictures. nino talks alot. he likes to talk about bullriding, he likes to talk about the ranch, and he really likes to talk about his philosophy on parenting.
"i tell my kids no, they listen and do what i say the first time" he says.
yep, until you can't see 'em anymore. he has big sparkly blue eyes that make him seem like he could read your thoughts. he wants everyone to have a good time.
will is a cowboy. he wears a pink shirt, chaps, red and white cowboy boots, and a cross around his neck. he is known as the craziest bullrider of them all. he rides the toughest bulls. i watched him sit on a bull who tried to jump out of the bullpen and into the stands. his buddy rusty has a foul mouth but a sweet spirit. he couldn't and woudln't do the things i do every day, and vice versa. will and rusty both walk like they've always had a bull between their legs.
ryan dunn (who smokes parliaments, if anyone wanted to know) and his tour crew were incidental to the event. they were all attractive, but the way they chainsmoked and drank their way through the afternoon, they ensured that certainly wouldn't last long. ryan dunn wasn't allowed to ride a bull for insurance purposes, but the camera and road crew did. of course, it was much more entertaining to watch the real bullriders. local yokels looked on, some i knew, some i didn't.
one of the most fascinating parts of the afternoon is when i watched my mom interview mike corolla, the tour manager for dunn and don vito's rock night. he talked about stringing up people by their underwear and kicking people in the balls just for fun. she remained professional throughout the interview. we missed it in person, but later saw the video of two crew members, will the professional, and kevin, the singer from an atlanta rock band sitting at a card table waiting for a raging bull to be let out. last man sitting won. we came back and will showed us a large purple and red mark on his side where got grazed by the bull. kevin won. they celebrated with the four cases a drunken will had just come back with. we left.